No more pills! When enough is enough.

My issue with medication started the minute of diagnosis. LUPUS. 
Take Plaquenil- the doctor said. It will slow down the disease.

Then, the overall pain started. 
Take Robaxin. Take Naproxen. Take Gabapentin- the doctor said. It will easy the pain. 

The pain continues and increases. 
Increase Robaxin, Naproxen, Gabapentin. Then, add Celebrex and Cymbalta- the doctor said. We just have to get the right dose. 

Then, the depression begins to set in because of the pain, limitations, social issues, relationship issues, and more. 
The doctor refers you to a psychiatrist. Take Trileptal and Lithium- the psychiatrist said. People with chronic disease usually have issues with depression. So, this regimen will “make you normal again.” 

Because you can’t go outside in the sun, you start getting really tired. The doctor said it’s because you vitamin D level is too low. 
Take a Vitamin D supplement daily- it’s just two more pills a day! Right? 

Then, the pain becomes too embarrable, even with the medication. The doctor prescribed physical therapy, chiropractic care and aquatic classes. 
In addition, start using Diclofenac Sodium topical gel and Voltaren gel to target the areas of pain for more immediate relief. Also, start injecting Enbrel once a week. – this will help with the pain, so the doctor said. 

In the end, your life ends up consisting of medication schedule of 8 a.m., 10 a.m., noon, 3 p.m., 5 p.m. and bedtime- a handful of pills each event and now and injection added to the mix. Then, three to four times a day, lather yourself up with greasy and gritty goop that smells like ass – just to try to get some relief. 

With each new medication and each change, hope exists that it will be the miracle that you’ve been hoping for. Each time, hope it lost. Even with the handful of pills, chiropractic care, psychiatric help, and tons of therapy – the pain persists. 
Each doctor visit, when he asks, “how is your pain?” I want to look at him and say, “why does it matter. Nothing is helping.” 

Now, I’m at the point of just saying enough is enough. NO MORE. 

I don’t want to take medication for the pain. 

I don’t want to take medication to slow the progression down. 
I don’t want to use gels or injectables. 
I don’t want the side effects. 
I don’t want the continued blood tests. 

I DON’T WANT ANY OF IT. 
I’M DONE! 

QUESTION: Have you ever been to this point?